It isn't just a feeling, it's a state of mind. Even though you could be surrounded by people, and those people love you.. there is something (or someone) missing.
When you realize that your life won't be the same without that person and what you used to be and when you really want to say "I love you!" you have to say "goodbye".
I was reading my journal entries from this time last year..I was so happy. Even though things weren't perfect (they rarely are) I still was just..happy. Being unhappy sucks. Being miserable is even worse. Unfortunatly I qualify.
It has been 5 days since the breakup. It still hasn't gotten any easier not to tell him I love him. I still refer to him as my boyfriend then have to correct myself which makes me upset.. I saw him today, and not running to his car and giving him a kiss was so unreal. I felt like this wasn't real, like this was all a dream.
Well, I just wrote a semi-detailed description of my weekend but it got deleted? So I'll start over with less details.
Friday I hung out with Curtis for a couple hours because I had to go home early so I could sleep. Saturday I worked at 6am until noon then went Brian's parents' 50th anniversary party. Saturday night I got to see Curtis again so we ate Chinese and drove around looking at movies and cd's untill 11pm. It was really nice. He loved what I got him for his birthday by the way: I thought I did good :)
Here's my (jewelery) Christmas list.. ( oh holy night! )
It's all I have to give and all anyone needs to live, and to go on living inside, when the world outside no longer cares if you live or die; remember I love you.
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loveis_morphine's journal
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